


Breather

by carpetsocks



Category: Milo Murphy's Law
Genre: Anxiety, Body Dysphoria, Coming Out, Developing Friendships, Don't Try This At Home, Fainting, Gen, Nightmares, Off-screen Deaths, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pre-Canon, References to Depression, Trans Male Character, Trans Vinnie Dakota, Unsafe Binding Practices, Vinnie Dakota Needs a Hug, binding, forced out of the closet sorta, not as angsty as it seems i swear, referenced transphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-15 19:34:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29194647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carpetsocks/pseuds/carpetsocks
Summary: How Dakota came out to his partner by passing out in his arms.
Relationships: Balthazar Cavendish & Vinnie Dakota
Comments: 3
Kudos: 19





	1. Don't do this at home

Dakota stretched, nearly hitting Cavendish in the face, and flopped face-first onto the mattress. “I never want to eat a fish sandwich again,” he said into the pillow.

Cavendish didn’t answer but Dakota could hear him shuffling around in his bag. “I’m taking a shower,” Cavendish announced, closing the bathroom door behind him. Dakota rolled onto his back as the water started.

Six times. Six times in a week. That had to be a new record. He tried not to keep track of how many times Cavendish died, but every cut-off scream, sightless stare, blood-stained uniform…

Dakota had dealt with bad memories before; he could do it again. But the realization that this wasn’t going to stop? That he would spend the rest of his life waiting for the next inevitable, scarring death? It was bringing him down, and he would make himself sick before he could eat enough to bury those feelings.

The water shut off and Dakota frowned at the ceiling. Cavendish liked his showers long, but it’d only been a few minutes. Anxiety flared in the bottom of his lungs.

He listened to the sounds of Cavendish moving around the bathroom, and only a few minutes later, the door opened. “There’s hot water left,” his partner said as he tucked his dirty, singed uniform into his laundry hamper.

Dakota watched him, relishing in the _aliveness_. Cavendish turned to him, frowning. “Are you going to shower? You were saying you wanted to all the way here.”

He had wanted a shower, before he’d started thinking. Now facing his dysphoria was too much for tonight.

“There’s no way I’m getting up again,” he said, “I’ll take one in the morning.”

Cavendish sighed and sat on the far edge of the king-sized mattress. “Very well. Are you at least going to change into sleeping clothes?”

Dakota glanced down at his chest. Sleeping in his binder was a terrible idea, especially after wearing it all day. “I’ll be fine.” Morning him could deal with it.

A scoff came from the pile of blankets Cavendish slept under. “Goodnight, Dakota.”

“Goodnight, Cav.” Another, softer scoff at the nickname, and then silence. Dakota leaned over and unplugged the lamp. Their apartment went dark and he sighed. Time to face the nightmares.


	2. Seriously, don't

Cavendish huffed as he looked at their mission details. “A car thief? Really? Do you know last week Abadie prevented the 2020 pandemic? Why are _we_ stuck on _car duty_?”

Dakota shoved another bite of cereal in his mouth, giving Cavendish time to continue ranting if he wanted. “Maybe because we blew up a moon?”

“That was hardly our fault! How could we…” He was cut off by a grunt from Dakota. “Are you alright?”

“Bit my tongue.” Dakota grimaced. “Look, let’s just do this one really well, and we’ll work our way back up. Easy peasy.”

Cavendish crossed his arms and scowled at the mission details like they’d just insulted his mother. “Fine.”

“That’s the spirit.” Dakota finished the last of his cereal, left the bowl in the sink, and grabbed his jacket. “Besides, it’ll be a short thing anyways. We can get ice cream afterwards.”

Cavendish sighed and tucked the papers into his uniform. “Fine. I’m driving.”

“Whatever you say, boss.”

Dakota propped himself up on his elbows to take some weight off his body. Cavendish shot him a glare for moving but went back to peering through the binoculars without a word.

They’d been camped out on the roof of an apartment building for almost an hour now. Dakota had suggested it since Cavendish still seemed put out about their mission. “If we act like it’s more important than it is, then maybe they’ll see that we can handle more important stuff,” he had said. Now he was regretting it.

Well, not exactly. He liked when Cavendish was happy, and he had seemed to perk up a bit at the chance to act like “real agents.” But his ribs? His back? His _lungs_? They were regretting it.

He really shouldn’t have slept in this.

Cavendish made a triumphant hissing noise and Dakota poked his head over the edge of the building. Someone was standing by the time vehicle they were watching. Dakota raised an eyebrow. They couldn’t look more suspicious if they tried.

“It’s time, Dakota!” Cavendish crawled on his hands and knees over to the ladder on the side of the building. Anxiety shot through Dakota and he hurried over to climb down before Cavendish. There was a bit of jostling and annoyed glaring, but he got down first.

_That was close._

The man was fidgeting with the lock on the driver’s door. “He’s our man!” Cavendish hurried down the alley, sticking to the shadows. Dakota strolled after him with his hands in his pockets. His heart was pounding in his ears.

What would it be today? An instant, silent thing that happened the moment he dared to look away? An injury that left his partner sobbing and begging for Dakota to come back as he bled out? How much effort would it take to wrap Cavendish in bubble wrap and lock him in a safe room for the rest of his life? Would that even stop it all?

“Come on Dakota! We have to catch him!” Cavendish sprinted out of cover.

“Whoa, Cav! Wait up!”

He ran after his partner, cursing under his breath. Why did Cav have to be so fast?

Pain lanced through his ribs and he stumbled to a stop. The world swung around him in a blur. He really shouldn’t have slept in that damn binder.

He sat down on a nearby bench. He shouldn’t be here; he should be with Cavendish, keeping him safe and _alive_.

He forced himself to his feet and jogged in the direction Cavendish had gone. He had to slow down, but eventually he caught up with the blond. He was holding the attempted thief’s jacket and glaring down the street.

“He caught a bus,” he said, “I almost had him. Where were you?”

“Uh, Cav?” He stumbled forward. He had nothing to keep him going anymore, and he let himself fall into the darkness.


	3. Chapter 3

Dakota woke up cradled in Cavendish’s arms on the sidewalk. The concern painted across his partner’s face faded into relief.

“Dakota, are you alright?” Cavendish asked gently. Dakota felt his face heat up a bit; when had Cavendish ever been this nice or concerned about him?

“Uh, yeah.” He tried to sit up, but the dizziness and nausea hit him like a truck. He reluctantly laid back down on Cavendish’s lap. This was a nice moment. He didn’t want to ruin it by overstaying his welcome.

“What happened?” Cavendish asked, frowning. Dakota felt his mouth go dry. They’d never talked about this sort of stuff, and the last time he’d assumed one of his partners would be okay with it, well, it hadn’t gone well.

His rib decided that was the moment to scream at him. He coughed, sitting up as he did. Cavendish kept his arm on Dakota’s shoulder.

“I’ll tell you later,” Dakota decided on once he could catch his breath again, “Let’s head back to the apartment and call Block.”

A familiar frustrated scowl replaced the concern on Cavendish’s face. “Yes, I suppose we must do that eventually.” He checked the time. “Would you like lunch first?”

“No!” Dakota blurted.

“You… don’t want food?”

“No, I mean I do, I just.” Dakota groaned. “Look, I need to go back to the apartment.”

“Why?” Cavendish was frowning.

“I just do, okay?” Dakota instantly regretted the sharpness in his voice as his partner’s face closed off.

“Very well.” Cavendish straightened his jacket. “We’ll return to the apartment at once.”

“Thanks, man,” Dakota mumbled, but Cavendish didn’t appear to hear.

Cavendish pointedly kept the silence all the way back to the apartment. Dakota gave up trying to talk to him after he gave a humorless “ha- _ha_ ,” to his joke about the jacket he was still holding.

“Well, here we are,” Cavendish said as he unlocked the door, “Now you can do whatever you so desperately needed to do.”

Dakota stumbled into the apartment, trying to take little breaths to avoid the stabbing pain. “Think I cracked a rib,” he mumbled to himself.

“Doing what?” Cavendish demanded. Dakota winced and slid down the wall to the floor. He felt like he was going to pass out again, and it was better to already be on the ground.

“You look like you’re about to be sick,” Cavendish said, crouching down beside his partner, “What is wrong?”

Dakota let his head fall back and closed his eyes. He felt so sleepy. “Can’t tell you.”

“Nonsense. How am I supposed to help you if I don’t even know what’s going on?”

“Just lemme take a little nap…”

“No you don’t!” Cavendish grabbed Dakota’s shoulders and shook him. Dakota gasped in pain and sat up.

“Ow! Stop that!”

“If you don’t tell me what’s wrong this instant, I _will_ call an ambulance!”

Dakota waved a hand. “No, no don’t do that. I’m fine. Just help me up. Gotta use the bathroom.”

Cavendish bit his lip and fidgeted for several seconds and Dakota wondered if he was going to help him. Finally his partner stood up and offered him a hand to pull him to his feet.

Dakota swayed uncertainly as he made his way to the bathroom with Cavendish following on his heels. “Are you alright? Careful, Dakota. Don’t pass out.”

“I’m fine.” Dakota leaned over the bathroom counter. He looked almost gray in the mirror; no wonder Cavendish was worried. “Let me have a second.”

“You won’t pass out if I leave you alone? You could injure yourself; you look terrible…”

“I’m fine Cav, just need a breather.” Dakota lightly swung the door closed, giving Cavendish plenty of time to get out of the way before it clicked shut.

Fumbling with his zipper, Dakota sat on the toilet lid. The edges of his vision were swimming and all he wanted to do was lie down and sleep. He winced at the knife-like pain in his ribs as he rolled his binder up and reached over his shoulder to pull it over his head.

Finally bare-chested, he tried to take a deep breath, but pain shot through him again. He groaned and hunched forward, focusing on his breathing. There was shuffling outside the door; Cavendish was probably pacing, concerned about his mysterious illness, blaming himself for not noticing sooner, wishing he could help… Dakota knew how easily Cavendish’s anxiety could get out of hand.

Dakota coughed a few times to clear his lungs. “Hey, Cav?”

“Yes?” Cavendish was right outside the door in a heartbeat.

“Can you get me my hoodie?” He couldn’t exactly ask Cavendish to go digging for his sports bra, but he didn’t dare put back on his binder. At least the hoodie would give him the least chance of being outed.

Another wave of dizziness swept across him as Cavendish rushed to find Dakota’s hoodie. He took a long breath, trying not to jostle his injured ribs. “I have it,” Cavendish said through the door.

“Ah, thanks man. Um…” Dakota glanced around. “Can you just kinda shove it through the door? I’m not exactly decent right now…”

The door opened a smidge and his hoodie fell through the gap. Dakota carefully retrieved it and put it on. A quick side-eye in the mirror confirmed his fears; there was no way Cavendish wouldn’t notice.

“So, uh, Cav?” Dakota asked, leaning against the still closed door. He couldn’t avoid this anymore unless he wanted to spend the next twenty-four hours or so in their only bathroom.

“Yes?”

“You good with trans guys?”

There was absolute silence on the other side of the door and Dakota grimaced. What were the chances that Cavendish had walked out the moment he heard that? Or that he was about to yell at Dakota for being a freak, for deceiving him? At least he could lock the bathroom door and barricade himself in here if things went south.

“I don’t see what this has to do with anything,” Cavendish said slowly.

Dakota tried his best to keep his fears out of his voice. “Just answer the question please?”

“I erm… I don’t know how to answer this…”

Ugh, why did this have to be so complicated? No more beating around the bush. “I’m trans, okay? If you’re not comfortable with that or you’re gonna be an ass about it or whatever, I’ll drop by the Bureau and pick up some partner reassignment papers. But I had to take off my binder, and I wanted to give you some warning.”

There was a tense moment, and then Cavendish chuckled. It sounded relieved, but maybe that was just the door in the way. “Dakota, open the door.”

“Tell me we’re good first.” Yeah, maybe that was a bit needy, but last time…

“We’re good.”

Dakota tentatively opened the door. Cavendish had his hands behind his back and looked ridiculously serious. “Thank you for entrusting me with this information.”

Dakota huffed and smiled at the ground, unable to meet his partner’s gaze. “No problem, Cav. Thanks for taking it so well.”

“Of course.” Cavendish put an arm around Dakota’s shoulders and led him to the couch. “Are you feeling better?”

Dakota automatically reached for a pillow to hug over his chest. “Yeah, I just needed a breather.”

Cavendish frowned. “Is it usually that demanding on your health?”

“Nah, it only got this bad because I pulled an all-nighter in it. It’s usually fine,” Dakota said, reaching for the remote.

“Constricting clothes should not be worn to bed! Especially when they affect your breathing!” Cavendish scowled down his nose at him, but Dakota was touched by the concern behind the scolding. “Bad Dakota!”

“I didn’t want to deal with _this_ ,” he said dismissively and waved a hand at the pillow. “Not the first time I’ve done it.”

“That doesn’t make it right! You are old enough to take care of yourself! I will not let this behavior fly!”

“Sure thing.” Dakota grinned and turned the channel to some reality show that could make Cavendish laugh. He settled down across from Cavendish, breathing purposefully.

It wasn’t until later that night while they were eating their takeout Chinese that Dakota remembered what he’d been meaning to ask. “Hey Cavendish?”

“Yes?” His partner took his eyes off the TV to look at him. “What is it?”

“I was wondering why you didn’t want to answer my question about trans guys…” Dakota rubbed at the back of his neck. “I know it’s a weird thing to get hung up on but I’m curious.”

“Oh.” He wasn’t sure in the poor lighting, but Cavendish looked like he was blushing. “I admit this seems rather silly in hindsight, but I thought you were trying to set me up on a date.”

Dakota laughed and prodded him with his foot. “You wish!”

Cavendish turned even more red, but a smile was playing around his mouth. “You don’t?”

“You know I’m bi, right?”

“Yes, I do.” Cavendish’s smile faded as he fidgeted with his hands in his lap. “I suppose after today I hardly have a reason to keep this from you, but I am also bisexual. I prefer men, though.”

“Cool.” Dakota thought back to a poster he’d seen in the library. “Does this mean you’ll go to Pride with me?”

Cavendish looked up at him in surprise. “I would love to.”

Dakota grinned and laid back, letting his eyes close. “This is gonna be a blast.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this! Kudos and comments are appreciated!


End file.
